You are inept

Dear Cathy,

What the hell. What the fuck. I thought we were cool.

This already sounds awfully high-school-angsty, but that’s because the whole incident has been as such, and besides, this bolg is both anonymous and devoid of traffic.

Basically, Cathy, you snubbed me, and you snubbed me hard. I don’t think I deserved that, Cathy, I really don’t. I have been faithful as I can be to the Gargoyle, your precious link to a social life, and I have talked with you one-on-one plenty.

I know I’m not your best friend, dear, or even a close friend, but I do consider myself to hold a certain status in the Gargoyle, and I thought with yourself. I would have been fine with your reason for firmly excluding me from your activities, if you had given me a reason you could have upheld. But you told me you wanted to keep it small? This suggests that you wanted no more than, say, ten people at your house, not that you had a set guest list. I heard a few people tell you they couldn’t make it, or wouldn’t be able to stay long at all. By my calculations, you could have invited myself without much trouble to your set event capacity.

What really got me was that you called Stu and Nikita over to have a very exclusionary conversation about this event. Not only that, but you were begging Nikita to come when she said she had previous engagements. This is what really ticked me off.

First: What did I do, that I am less desireable to have at a get-together than Stu or Nikita? I am baffled on this point.

Second: I don’t contribute buckets to the gargoyle, but I have been coming to meetings for a year and a half and I think that gives me the right to be respected, at least a little bit. You did not respect me, Cathy, and that really pisses me off.

Third: I am not the only person at that meeting that you excluded. I cannot be the only one who noticed that you, the Gargoyle editor-in-chief, were holding an exclusive event, communication for which you were pursuing while all Gargoyle members were still present, practically mid-meeting. This is not a good thing.

Cathy, the Gargoyle is having some tough times. Tougher than last year. I know that this sin’t your fault. I know that you are doing your best to hold it together, do what you have to to get submissions, please the StuPub gods, keep the Garg from disappearing again. But you’re slipping. You need to be a diplomat to rally people.

I know you’re not Max. I know you don’t like huge parties and you can’t deal with thigs the way he did. But you can’t just reduce your contact zone to exclude some garg members. Or, if you insist, you can’t do so, and then allow eveyone who is not one of your hand-chosen special ones to realize your shortcomings. If you do, people have less and less incentive to write for you.

And they are writing for you, just as we wrote for Max. You are supposed to invite the labor, the creativity, the offerings, and we are supposed to be interested in helping you to get the magazine done on time, to appease the pulication gods. But I don’t have that desire. I don’t have any compelling reasons why I should pour out my hard work or spend any time on producing something for someone who excludes me without sufficient explanation.

I considered removing myself from the Gargoyle. I don’t do a whole lot, and every time I show up at meetings, now, I will have to deal with the resentful feelings I hold for you. I have no loyalty for you anymore. I do, however, hold a loyalty to the Gargoyle, so I think I will stay. I will try to come up with content, although I don’t know if that wil work out, and I will contribute to the magazine in any way I can. But I will stop showing interest in you. I will start showing interest in everyone else, and I will try to leave meetings before everyone else. A drunken Natalie informed me that I am cool, and I will live up to that.

If you ever care to offer me anything, an explanation, an apology, a personal invitation, or even just showin an interest in my self, perhaps I will be proved wrong in my conclusion, but I have my doubts. You confess that you are not much for social competence, but I just never realized how inept you are.

Please, Cathy, learn some respect and tact, for the sake of the Gargoyle, if not for your personal life’s well-being.

Society.

I would give a whole lot to be able to just jump onto the couch with Nat or even Ben right now, and just snuggle right up. Sure I miss Ian, sure I wouldn’t cheat on him, but I do catch myself  wishing that cheating on someone was more mental and less physical.

Ah well. I just have to close my eyes and make due with creating a satisfying scenario in my head.